Do you hate the way you feel when you think about your partner finding another person attractive? Do you feel angry when you see another person eyeing your lover? If so, you’re not alone. Jealousy is a serious problem that affects millions of couples.
If you’re the jealous type, you need to understand that the green-eyed monster thrives on fear and drama is almost never an appropriate response to these situations.
The truth is, most of the time, jealousy doesn’t stem from a healthy, grounded place. Instead, it’s an emotionally charged reaction to a problem that lies on the inside. It doesn’t usually have anything to do with the situation that causes it to rear its ugly head.
If you feel like someone you love is giving something special away that belongs to you (love, attention, affection) to someone else, you’re going to feel “worried” and it comes out as jealousy.
It’s just an unfounded emotion that comes from a place of insecurity and self-doubt. People who are strong in their belief of self and practice self-love don’t worry when their partner shows someone else attention or admiration. They know who they are and they know their partner loves them above all else.
Of course, I’m strictly referring to healthy, stable relationships. There are some cases where jealousy is an appropriate response to a partner who has proven to being unfaithful and is not fully committed to their partner.
It’s a good idea to learn about the warning signs of a cheating partner if you have doubts whether your partner is trustworthy or not. A reading with a psychic can also help you know whether your partner is being honest with you and is committed to you.
Knowing The Difference Between Jealousy And Envy
A small amount of jealousy is normal when you get passed up for a promotion and your co-worker gets it, when your friend gets a brand-new car, or your sister takes an amazing vacation. But this is more envy than jealousy. Envy is the emotion you get when you want something someone else has and jealousy is the emotion you get when you’re afraid someone will take away something you have.
Even then, in the case of envy, you shouldn’t get that worked up over it. Sure, it stings a little when someone has something you’ve been wanting, but you should also be happy for them. Revel in their accomplishment with them instead of being bitter about it.
Let that envious energy push you to work harder to get something you’ve been wanting. So while being slightly envious is normal, full on jealousy is not.
What I’m referring to in this article is the kind of jealousy that causes fights in your relationships or that keeps you up awake at night imagining terrible situations that are baseless.
If you get nervous over the fact that your partner works in close quarters with someone attractive of the opposite sex, or you don’t like the idea of them hanging at his friends on the weekend for fear he might meet someone else then you have an insecurity problem. Even though it feels all too real, this kind of jealousy is rooted in your own fear, not in your partner’s fault.
Imagine this scenario for a minute- you’re in a committed relationship with someone you love. Your job takes you out of town several times a year but you already know (or at least think you do) their schedule, routine habits.
You usually know when they get home, when they leave for work, things like that. One night while you’re away you call them at a time you “know” they’ll be home but they don’t answer. You start imagining the worst and worry yourself sick with possible scenarios you’ve concocted in your head.
You decide to call their work the next day, but they tell you that they haven’t come in yet. The thoughts get worse and you can’t concentrate on anything else. You imagine them sleeping in with another person, or having breakfast with someone else. You can’t think straight and just keep telling yourself they’re up to no good.
You’ve basically worked yourself in to a jealous rage, whether you know it or not. You feel lied to, you’re angry, and you’re out for blood! You’re out of town so you feel helpless because you can’t confront them then and there- sound familiar?
If you’re first gut-reaction to a situation like this is that your partner is cheating or lying to you instead of being worried that something happened to them, you definitely have a jealousy problem. Unless it’s been proven before that your partner is the cheating type, you need to sit back, breath and force yourself to think logically instead of emotionally.
Don’t let your insecurities drive you to leave accusatory messages or threats to break up. Just realize that sometimes, people get busy, people’s routines change, and yes, while it is very annoying, sometimes people don’t think to let you in on important pieces of information.
Learn To Love Yourself
So how do you curb those emotions that feel uncontrollable? How do you change the way you see yourself so that you stop projecting your feelings and views onto other people? You have to start with the way you perceive yourself.
The way you think of yourself influences the way you view things that you feel are solely yours. If you have a low opinion of yourself or low self-worth, you’ll make up for that by smothering and clinging onto whoever or whatever you think you possess.
Once you realize that you deserve to be loved and respected and that you’re worthy of your relationship, your jealousy will begin to fade away.
You do not “own” or “possess” your partner, they are with you because they want to be and if one day they no longer want to be with you, you have to realize that you can’t force anyone to stay.
If you feel like you’re obsessed with your partner, that is definitely a red flag that you do not believe in yourself enough and feel the need to own this other person.
Reclaim Your Independence
Once you’ve done some introspection and started the process of self-love, make sure that you’re not in a codependent relationship. Truly healthy relationships are built by two whole people with their own interests and hobbies, not by two half people who are looking for someone to fill in the gaps and tell them how to live.
While it’s good to have shared interests and activities, it’s also important to do things separate from each other. You don’t have to do every single thing attached at the hip with your partner.
When you spend every waking moment with your partner, you run the risk of running out of things to talk about, becoming uninteresting, and the mystery and appeal you fell in love with can run out fast. Stay true to yourself and be your own person.
Don’t neglect your friends and family. Don’t put your hobbies and passions aside for your partner. Your partner will respect you even more when they see how strong and independent you are, and how you don’t feel the need to cling on them and rely on them for every little thing.
Understand That Admiring Others Is Perfectly Normal
It’s actually very normal to notice and admire other attractive people even if you’re in a committed relationship. It’s human nature and not acting on those inclinations is what makes a relationship special. In most cases, relationships are a choice and if someone didn’t want to be with you, they wouldn’t be.
Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically blind you or turn off your sexual instincts so you can’t expect you or your partner to never find anyone else attractive ever again! Humans are attracted to humans, that’s a fact.
As I mentioned earlier however, being able to resist the temptation and choosing to remain faithful to the one you’re with is what makes relationships so significant and extraordinary.
The fact that we are human, means that we know the difference between right and wrong and choosing one person that you love enough to say no to all others is what separates us from everything else.
Look Within Yourself To See If You’re The One Who Would Cheat
If you can’t seem to trust your partner and feel the need to check their phone or computer, ask yourself this- could it actually just be that you don’t trust yourself?
Do you feel like if someone attractive were to approach you and ask for your number, you would give it to them? Sometimes overly jealous people are just projecting their own feelings onto their partner and assuming they would do the same.
Take a good long look at yourself and decide if this is the relationship for you if you would be so quick to let another person have your number. Maybe you’re not ready to spend the rest of your life with this one person and that’s totally fine- you just have to be honest about it.
Let them know that while you enjoy spending time with them, you’re not ready to fully commit to them at this point in your life. Take it slow, there’s no reason a relationship has to go from dating to marriage in a short period of time.
If you’re partner does seem to ogle others excessively or flirts with them more than you’re comfortable with, you need to have an honest conversation with them about it.
Let them know that while you are secure in yourself, and you trust them, you can’t help but feel a little weird when they act like that and you just want to make sure they are happy with you and are fully committed to the relationship.
This could be their chance to admit that maybe they have a problem with monogamy, that they aren’t happy in the relationship anymore, that they don’t trust themselves to stay faithful, or that they didn’t even realize they were acting like that and will be more mindful of it going forward.
Never assume anything and always be open with your partner. Be willing to ask the hard-hitting questions instead of making up your own reasons for their behavior.
If you have a hunch that just doesn’t go away no matter what you do, or how much your partner assures you, it could be time to get help from a professional love psychic. They can give you more in-depth answers to the questions you may have.