Even though being in love is one of the most amazing things we can experience, relationships aren’t always healthy or good for us. Problems arise when your relationship has become a codependent one that takes away from you instead of adding to your life. It’s important to know the difference between healthy love and codependent love.
If you find yourself constantly second guessing yourself or always asking for your partners “permission” to do things, you may be in more of a codependent relationship than a healthy one. It’s easy to lose yourself in your partner and it even feels so natural sometimes, but it’s actually not. It may seem harmless, but being in a codependent relationship gets you closer to losing both your independence and your identity.
According to Dr. Scott Wetzler, Phd of Psychology, “codependent relationships signify a degree of unhealthy clinginess, where one person doesn’t have self-sufficiency or autonomy. One or both parties depend on their loved ones for fulfillment.”
While it’s possible for anyone to become codependent on their partner, research suggests that individuals whose parents neglected or emotionally abused them as children or teenagers are the most likely to find themselves in codependent relationships.
Below are some signs that your relationship might be that of a codependent one:
- You find yourself supporting your partner no matter how much it affects your own physical, mental or emotional health.
- You can’t find happiness or satisfaction outside of your life with your partner or your relationship.
- You admit that your partner has unhealthy behaviors but you stay with them anyways because you’re afraid of being alone.
- You care more about what your partner thinks about you than you care about how you think about yourself.
- You gave up your personal interests and hobbies so that you can constantly be with your partner.
- You’re afraid of making decisions on your own and need your partner to always tell you to do.
If you find that these signs are present in your relationship, you need to step back and reevaluate it. Start treating yourself in a healthier manner and valuing yourself first and foremost. If you don’t make a change, you’re going to continue giving up your own identity and needs for those of your partner. This will cause you to lose yourself in the process and has negative short and long term consequences.
Fixing the situation doesn’t mean you have to break up with your partner. You just need to make the decision to change your codependent relationship into a healthy one. Below are some ways to do this:
Communicate With Your Partner
Explain to your partner that you haven’t been feeling like yourself lately. That you feel like you have lost yourself and would like to find yourself again. You will need to set boundaries in your relationship and be more involved with any decision and plan making.
Discuss relationship and future goals with your partner and talk about the part that you each have in making that happen. Let your partner know that the changes you are making are for yourself and aren’t personal against them.
If they truly love you and want the best for you, they will understand and support you in your journey to find yourself again.
Spend More Time With Friends And Family
You can tell that you’re in a codependent relationship when you stop caring about or spending time with other people in your life and start spending all your free time with your partner. If this is you, it’s time you start spending more time with the friends and family members you may have been neglecting.
Go visit your parents and grandparents, hang out with your siblings, schedule dinner with friends that have been trying to see you. Make a commitment to yourself to spend at least one night a week with someone who is not your partner. This not only helps you gain some independence, it also helps the relationship by giving each other space and introducing fresh things to talk about.
Get Back To Your Hobbies Or Pick Up New Ones
Take some time to sit back and think back to all the things you used to enjoy doing before you entered into your relationship. Remember all the activities that used to make your heart happy.
Did you use to love painting, playing soccer, going dancing, reading, writing, etc. and then just stopped doing these things to spend all of your free time with your partner?
Just because they don’t like to do the things that you like to do doesn’t mean you need to neglect that part of yourself and drop them all together. Pick back up where you left off!
Give yourself time each week to start practicing these hobbies again. These are the things that make you who you are and give you a deeper sense of meaning that you may not even realize you need. Let your creativity flow all over again.
Take Care Of Your Body
It’s normal to reach a totally new level of comfort when you enter a relationship. The downside to this however is that you may slow down or completely stop exercising or having physically involved activities. You might also begin to eat delicious but unhealthy comfort foods or desserts more often. This decrease in activity level and increase in unhealthy food can have a negative effect to your health and body image.
So while it is nice to be in a relationship where your partner doesn’t care about your weight or size, it’s important that you stay healthy and active for YOURSELF. You deserve optimal health, and so do your friends and family members so that you can be there for them.
Give yourself time and space to be active at least 3 times a week. Go for a nice nature hike or a walk around the city, reconnect with yourself in a yoga class, or hit the gym for a sweat sesh. Love yourself first and foremost and remember that your body and health are crucial to your well-being.
Nurture Yourself Spiritually
It’s a common misconception that once you’re in a relationship, you’re supposed to rely on your partner to meet all of your spiritual needs. The truth is that you need be in charge of nurturing your own spirit 100% of the time.
Your partner should be that extra something that adds depth and love to your spirit but you should never depend on them to nourish your spirituality.
Nurturing your spirit doesn’t have to be about attending church or praying religiously, it’s about constantly improving yourself. Reading self-help books, working with crystals, journaling your feelings, meditating, things like that.
When you pay attention to and nurture your spirit, you get a clearer view of your dreams and desires. You’re able to place focus on the bigger picture of your life without every little thing distracting you.
If knowing what you want for your life is puzzling and eluding you, getting a reading from a professional psychic might be a good option for you to help you reconnect with your spirit. They can help you find your direction and your identity that have gotten lost along the way.
Learn Something New
If you’ve always wanted to learn something new or pick up a new hobby, this is the perfect time to do it. Find a local or online class that teaches you new skills.
Whether it’s jewelry making, piano playing, or crocheting, you can never have too many skills or learn too many things.
The feeling you get after you’ve mastered something new for the first time is wonderful and really goes a long way to increase your self-love and self-esteem.
Knowing you made something out of nothing teaches you that there isn’t anything you can’t do if you set your mind to it. Taking classes and learning new things is a wonderful way to get your identity and independence back.
If you’re unsure whether you’re in a codependent relationship or not, don’t hesitate to reach out to a love psychic for help and guidance. You’d be amazed how much you can learn about yourself and your relationship from a reading with a genuine psychic.