Relationships experience problems whether they’re brand new or are already well established. It makes no difference if you began dating as soon as you met for the first time or if you were friends for a long time before dating.
The good news is that most of the time, these problems aren’t that big of a deal and can be easily fixed. The bad news is that the way you deal with the problems can have lasting effects on the relationship overall.
Both men and women tend to make critical mistakes during fights and arguments that damage the relationship worse than what the actual argument was about! These mistakes can take place so casually and naturally that they feel like second nature.
Below are the five most common mistakes that can kill your relationship:
Mistake # 1 – Constantly Competing With Your Partner
This is such a common mistake that you or your partner might not even be aware that you’re doing it at all. It happens subconsciously because humans are natural born competitors. We have to feel like we’re on top of the world and that we’re good at everything we do.
While this is necessary for surviving in the wild, it’s completely unnecessary in a relationship and will only serve to damage it. You might not even be feeling in a competitive mood at the time but all it takes is a certain look, phrase, or body language from your partner to trigger you into wanting to compete with them and to “win.” This competition could begin very subtly and quickly turn into a full-blown war in no time.
People usually compete with another person when they’re feeling low about themselves and they need to prove their power and worth to themselves. This is especially true in relationships because it’s easy to lose your sense of self when you’re in a committed relationship. You might begin to feel small and helpless, like you don’t exist without your partner. This subconsciously triggers your mind to start trying to dominate everything.
You might find yourself competing with your partner by making small, mocking or sarcastic remarks about the way they’re doing something, or by constantly feeling the need to “teach” your partner how to do something “the right way.” Some even go as far as publicly humiliating their partner by yelling at them, talking down to them, being rude to them, or even physically grabbing or hurting them.
This naturally makes the other person feel small and worthless so they get triggered to prove themselves in return and next thing you know, you’re both competing hard against each other. This mistake really needs to be avoided at all costs! It’s unnecessary and has no place in modern relationships.
Value your partner as if they were priceless and treat them as they deserve to be treated. Let go of those cave-man ways and be the improved version you know you can be. Even if you know you’re right and your partner is making a mistake, resist the urge to mock them or make them feel bad about it.
Let them make the mistake (if it isn’t going to hurt them of course) and they will be less likely to repeat it in the future. People learn by cause and effect and sometimes that’s the only way something will stick to them. When they realize they made a mistake, don’t say things like “I told you so,” “I knew that would happen,” or “You should’ve known better.”
Mistake # 2 – Thinking You Can Read Your Partners Mind
This is a mistake A LOT of people in relationships are guilty of making. As much as I hate to admit it, it seems like women are the most guilty when it comes to this scenario, but men do it too. Consider the example below of a couple driving to a destination they’ve never been to before and the woman realizing they’re lost:
Woman: [In a worried tone] “I really wish we would have printed the directions before we started driving, I think we took a wrong turn somewhere.”
Man: [In an annoyed tone] “We don’t need directions, I know where I’m going and we’ll get there fine.”
Woman: [In an even more worried tone] “I just feel like we need to turn around and go down the other street because I think we’re already lost and I hate to be way late.”
Man: [In an angry and annoyed tone] “You just happen to know everything, don’t you?? Maybe you should be the one to drive us around everywhere since you know so much!!”
Woman: [In a surprised tone] “Whoa, why are you getting so mad at me about this? I’m just trying to help.”
Man: [In a confrontational tone] “Because you always think I’m too stupid and dumb to ever do anything right!”
Woman: [In a defensive tone] “I can’t believe you’re accusing me of thinking you’re too dumb to figure it out! I never thought that, but now I know what kind of person you really think I am!”
Next thing you know, they’re in a full-on war against each other and start bringing up other, unrelated things just to further hurt each other and to “win” the argument. This only accomplishes hurt egos and feelings- nothing else.
The worst part is that it was completely unnecessary and all started because one person assumed they knew what the other person was thinking about them. For a relationship to run smoothly and last a lifetime there needs to be trust and respect.
Don’t assume anything about your partner and don’t get upset when they think you are making assumptions. They are just projecting how they feel about themselves and it’s best to be the bigger person in this instance. When things have calmed down you can talk about and discuss the event without getting angry or emotional.
Mistake # 3 – Discussing Your Fights And Arguments With Others
Nobody’s relationship is perfect, I can almost guarantee that. Contrary to what Disney wants us to believe, we probably aren’t going to just be walking along one moment and catch the eye of our handsome prince who will sweep us off our feet and take us away to live happily ever after.
Don’t get me wrong, your prince charming does exist and is out there, but it might take some work to find him and once you do, you will have to put effort into the relationship to keep it going strong.
Considering the fact that almost no relationship is without flaws, it’s important you realize that there is no reason to involve other people in your fights and arguments. They are going through their own issues and you don’t need anyone else to agree with you on why you’re right and your partner is wrong. This is a HUGE relationship killer!
It really may not seem like a big deal if you want to tell your best friend, your mom, your siblings, or worse- THEIR friends and family- but it really is bad news. The problem with talking bad about them to these people is that it’s naturally going to make them upset with your partner and maybe resent them, especially if it’s your friends and family.
Then when you decide to make up a day later and you’re perfectly fine with your partner, guess what?? The people who you aired all your dirty laundry to will not be over it and will still be upset with them.
They may begin avoiding your partner and turning down invitations to spend time with both of you. This will further cause you to resent your partner because you’ll be upset that he’s the reason people don’t want to hang out with you anymore even though that isn’t fair to them.
Unless you’re truly, honestly looking for advice that you’re willing to follow through with, just avoid talking about your problems to anyone either of you are close to.
This is one of the greatest benefits to talking to an unbiased and professional psychic advisor when it comes to your relationship. They will not be involved in your life outside of the reading and they will give you insightful and valuable advice that others can’t. You don’t have to go it alone, you just need to pick the right people to discuss it with.
Mistake # 4 – Shouting And Yelling At Your Partner
When arguing or disagreeing on something, it’s not necessary to scream at each other unless you’re in different rooms. You shouldn’t be in separate rooms either if you’re trying to discuss important matters.
Whether you realize it or not, you’re actually trying to control your partner when you raise your voice at them. At the end of the day, we’re biologically programed a lot like animals in the wild. Have you noticed what animals do in their natural habitat when they feel cornered or threatened? They try to make themselves look and sound bigger in the hopes of scaring the threat off.
This is a basic intimidation tactic and you yelling at your partner is the same thing. I know how difficult it can be to keep from yelling and remain calm when mad, believe me. Just know that it doesn’t help the situation at all and even if you “make up” from the situation at hand, your partner will not just magically forget this and they may start to resent you for it.
Resentment is a good way to kill the romance in any situation and make them grow cold towards you. People can only take so much before they realize they don’t need this kind of behavior or person in their life, no matter how many times you apologize.
The best thing is to avoid it all together in the first place and talk about what’s bothering you like an adult and not like a child.
Mistake # 5 – Clamming Up Or Shutting Down During Arguments
On the opposite end of the screaming and yelling spectrum is clamming up or shutting down. There are many reasons why people do this during or after an argument, such as:
- They don’t want to make the situation worse and they think the relationship will be fine if they just remain quiet.
- They are already so mentally and emotionally drained that they just physically cannot “defend” themselves or give their point of view.
- They don’t want to seem weak by crying or expressing their emotions so they make themselves seem indifferent.
- They are already so fed up with the situation that they don’t even feel it’s worth their time to try to make the other person understand them so they just tune it all out.
- They feel like the argument and/or their partner is too ridiculous to even waste their time or breath on.
It doesn’t matter what the reason for clamming up during an argument is, the result is going to be the same- your partner will feel like you’re shutting them out of your life. This can cause your partner to feel angry, agitated, or unloved.
It will get you nowhere fast so the best thing to do is to talk about things as reasonably as possible instead of walking out or not replying when they’re talking to you.
If you feel like you’re constantly making these relationship mistakes and don’t know how to stop, or if you can’t make sense of all the fights and arguments you seem to keep having in your relationship, it may be time to get help from a genuine psychic.
They can help you make sense of what’s happening in your love life and guide you towards making your relationship healthier and more satisfying for the both of you.
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