Do you hate the way you feel when you think about your partner finding another person attractive? Do you feel angry when you see another person eyeing your lover? If so, you’re not alone. Jealousy is a serious problem that affects millions of couples.
If you’re jealous, you must understand that the green-eyed monster thrives on fear. Drama and anger are rarely appropriate responses to these situations. Jealousy doesn’t usually stem from a healthy, grounded place. Instead, it’s an emotionally charged reaction to a problem that lies on the inside. It doesn’t usually have anything to do with the situation that causes it to rear its ugly head.
If you feel like someone you love is giving something special away that belongs to you (love, attention, affection) to someone else, you’ll feel “worried,” and it comes out as jealousy. It’s just an unfounded emotion that comes from insecurity and self-doubt. People with a strong love and belief in themselves don’t worry when their partner shows someone else attention or admiration.
They know who they are and understand that their partner loves them more than anything. If you don’t know if you can trust your partner, it’s good to learn the warning signs of a cheater. A psychic reading can help you know if your partner is being honest with you and is committed to you.
Knowing The Difference Between Jealousy And Envy
It’s normal to feel upset when a co-worker gets the promotion you’ve been working for, your friend gets a brand-new car, or your sister takes a fantastic vacation. But this is more envy than jealousy. Envy is the emotion you get when you want something someone else has, and jealousy is the emotion you get when you’re afraid someone will take away something you have.
Even then, in the case of envy, you shouldn’t get that worked up over it. It might sting when someone gets something you want, but you should also be happy for that person and revel in their accomplishment instead of being bitter. Let that envious energy push you to work harder to get something you’ve been wanting.
So while being slightly envious is normal, full-on jealousy is not. What I’m referring to in this article is the kind of jealousy that causes fights in your relationships or keeps you awake at night, imagining terrible baseless situations.
If you get nervous over the fact that your partner works in close quarters with someone attractive of the opposite sex, or you don’t like the idea of them hanging with their friends on the weekend for fear they might meet someone else, then you have an insecurity problem. Even though it feels all too real, this jealousy is rooted in your fear, not your partner’s fault.
Are You Projecting Your Feelings?
Imagine this scenario for a minute- you’re in a committed relationship with someone you love. Your work out of town several times a year, but you know (or think you know) their schedule and routine. You usually know things like when they get home and leave for work. One night while you’re away, you call them at a time you “know” they’ll be home, but they don’t answer.
You start imagining the worst and worry yourself sick with possible scenarios you’ve concocted. You call their work the next day, but they tell you they haven’t arrived yet. The thoughts get worse, and you can’t concentrate on anything else. You picture them in bed with another person or having breakfast with someone else. You can’t think straight and keep telling yourself they’re up to no good.
Whether you know it or not, you’ve worked yourself into a jealous rage. You feel lied to, you’re angry, and you’re out for blood! You’re out of town and feel helpless because you can’t confront them then and there- sound familiar? If your first gut reaction to a situation like this is that your partner is cheating or lying to you instead of worrying that something happened to them, you have a jealousy problem.
Unless your partner has proven to be the cheating type before, you must sit back, breathe, and force yourself to think logically instead of emotionally. Don’t let your insecurities drive you to leave accusatory messages or threats to break up. Just realize that sometimes, people get busy, their routines change, and while it is very annoying, people don’t think to let you in on essential information.
Learn To Love Yourself
So how do you curb those emotions that feel uncontrollable? How do you change how you see yourself to stop projecting your feelings and views onto others? You have to start with the way you perceive yourself. How you think of yourself influences how you view things you believe belong only to you.
If you have a low opinion of yourself or low self-worth, you’ll make up for that by smothering and clinging to whoever or whatever you think you possess. Your jealousy will fade once you realize you deserve love and respect and are worthy of your relationship. Practice self-love, take some time to learn who you are, develop a broader picture of the person you want to be, and become your best friend.
You don’t “own” or “possess” your partner; they’re with you because they want to be. If they no longer wish to be with you one day, you must accept that you can’t force anyone to stay. Being obsessed with your partner shows that you don’t believe in yourself and see them as your property.
Reclaim Your Independence
Once you’ve done some introspection and started the process of self-love, make sure you’re not in a codependent relationship. Genuinely healthy relationships are built by two whole people with separate interests and hobbies, not by two half people looking for someone to fill in the gaps and tell them how to live.
While having shared interests and activities is good, doing things alone is essential. You don’t have to do everything attached at the hip with your partner. When you spend every waking moment with them, you run the risk of running out of things to talk about, becoming uninteresting, and the mystery and appeal you fell in love with can run out fast.
Stay true to yourself and be your own person. Don’t neglect your friends and family. Don’t put your hobbies and passions aside for your partner. Your partner will respect you even more when they see how strong and independent you are and how you don’t feel the need to cling to them and rely on them for everything.
Understand That Admiring Others Is Perfectly Normal
It’s normal to notice and admire attractive people, even in a committed relationship. It’s human nature; not acting on those inclinations makes a relationship unique. In most cases, relationships are a choice; if someone didn’t want to be with you, they wouldn’t be.
Trust is essential in relationships, and you must trust that your partner wants to be with you and is committed to only you- unless you have valid reasons to believe otherwise. Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically blind you or turn off your sexual instincts. You can’t expect you or your partner never to find anyone else attractive again! Humans are attracted to humans; that’s a fact.
As I mentioned earlier, however, being able to resist temptation and choosing to remain faithful to the one you’re with makes relationships significant and extraordinary. Being human means knowing the difference between right and wrong. Choosing someone you love enough to say no to others is what defines us as people.
Look Within Yourself To See If You’re The One Who Would Cheat
If you can’t seem to trust your partner, ask yourself this- could it just be that you don’t trust yourself? For example, if someone attractive approached you and asked for your number, would you give it to them? Sometimes overly jealous people project their feelings onto their partner and assume they would do the same.
If yes, take a good look within and decide if this is the relationship you want. Maybe you’re not ready to spend the rest of your life with this person, and that’s fine. Just have an honest conversation about it. Let your partner know that while you enjoy spending time with them, you’re not ready to commit. Take it slow; there’s no reason a relationship has to go from dating to marriage in a short period.
If your partner seems to ogle or flirt with others excessively, making you uncomfortable, have an honest conversation about it. Let them know that while you’re secure in yourself and trust them, you can’t help but feel a little weird about it. Ask them if they’re happy with you and fully committed to the relationship. This conversation could be their chance to admit things like:
- They have a hard time with monogamy
- They’re no longer happy in the relationship
- They don’t trust themselves to stay faithful
- They had no idea they were acting like that and will be more mindful of it going forward.
Never assume anything, and always be open with your partner. Be willing to ask hard-hitting questions instead of making up reasons for their behavior. If nothing else works, it could be time to get help from a professional love psychic. They can give you more in-depth answers to the questions you may have.